On allowing lostness...

Offering a piece to cut through the noise of 'life should look like this'.

Remembering how to trust the instincts of my animal body in a society stuck in the mind takes time. For me, a portion of this process is turning out to be the internal act of giving myself the grace to dwell in the worlds of betwixted and in-between. To allow my sense of lostness without harsh judgment. Months without ‘achievement’. Aimless wandering as I learn to feel the true north of my walk. Clanging from clear ideas to depths of disillusioned knowing as the threads of conditioning fray, releasing me to the freedom that presence provides. Some say this space is the outcome of an unregulated nervous system, yet I believe their baseline is built from foundations I don’t want. A nervous system attuned to the conditioning of an unhealthy, achievement addicted culture is not what calls me. I want a system that rests into the pulse of life itself, cocooned by the inter weaving of oneness reflecting its wildness, where the insights guide the actions as it arrives. Riding the energy of alive and living as an animated, orchestrated, pivotal piece of existence romancing itself… I want this.

And with that, I share this poem from my personal journey…

Waiting for my wave

The seeking and the searching,
To satiated this soul,
Sometimes I look,
And I see insanity,
But my god,
When I think to settle,
Life feels like a calamity.

So I surrender to the urge,
I don the hat of crazy,
I drown to currents the feel like chaos,
And accept that right now it’s a maybe.

What my purpose is,
Or where to find it,
What to do with my days,
Or how to move in this haze.

Sometimes,
I don’t even know what I want for dinner,
And you know what,
That is totally okay.

Because the journey right now,
It looks like this,
And I’d rather honour what is,
Be kind to myself,
And follow these quirky threads of bliss.

The twisting,
The turning,
Dying to my own yearning,
A constant redefining,
Often it’s simply surprising,
As I find my flow.

I have all the time,
And none to waste,
I can’t fake it till I make it,
I won’t pretend that I know,
And there’s no way in any reality,
That I’m going to run someone else’s race.

So with this I remind myself,
That it is okay to feel lost,
And to wait for the right wave,
The deep waters offer great gifts,
As the unknown is truly spiritual.

And in the end,
The many waves of life,
No matter what form they take,
All crash on the same shore,
Of life's beautiful lake.
   

And finally my friends, if you look out into the world and feel the pinch, like you’re falling behind and need to pick up the pace… trust in your timing and know that all seeds carry the code for the good of their growth and their flowers to fruit. The important ingredient is a loving environment, both within and without, for us to genuinely let flow find us and carry us to exactly where we are meant to be. Ignore the hype and pressure to perform, particularly from those selling it, and let’s allow nature to guide our growing so that the journey may truly be enjoyed.

With love,

Ryan