On the paradox of purpose...
Finding the unfindable and mapping the mystery.
To write about paradox requires a level of insanity from me at this stage in my life.
They seem to be plentiful in my pursuit of truth and I’m learning of their necessity.
I hope this lands for anyone else who is curious about the place of purpose and how we make sense of it against a backdrop of spiritual truth that opposes the idea of it.
From my heart to yours…
There is a beautiful, and somewhat painful, paradox within purpose.
The pursuit of purpose.
The idea of purpose.
Purpose itself.
The notion that there is a purpose uniquely for me, a space within the web of humanity waiting for ME, has stirred much from within.
The ego has taken hold and watch out world, here comes my spiritual entrepreneur.
The overwhelm of feeling like a fish out of water until I find ‘it’ has lead to apathy.
The spiritual notion that any effort is of the ego has caused paradox paralysis.
In the last few years I’ve journeyed deeply with these three stories when its come to the finding, aligning and feeling of purpose.
Creating it through identifying my ‘core values’. Unpacking my past to find my ‘mission’ for the future. Justifying it all with the idea of a ‘legacy’.
None of this has stuck. It felt fickle and from the mind. The essence of it from fear.
Like a young, scared man who’s found a little bit of spiritual theory and trying desperately to apply it in all the wrong ways.
And still, on the other side of trying my little mind out, then letting it all go, to finally drift in the wastelands of misunderstood oneness for almost two years…
My bones continue to feel the pull from a magnet hidden within the mystery that silently screams to my deepest yearning and desire for purpose.
I do believe there is a ‘thing’ for me.
I do know there is a ‘mission’ that is uniquely mine for this lifetime.
I do believe that purpose is inscribed into the bones of each awake individual walking this wonderful world.
And, I also believe that it is highly unlikely, very improbable and somewhat unnecessary that I/we should have, could have or would have located and locked in on that ‘thing’ by the innocently ignorant age of thirty something.
In fact, if I’ve found it by forty, fuck it… even fifty, I’ll be chuffed.
Because to be an elder in training requires… training. Lots of it. Tonnes.
And training for a task of that magnitude takes… eternity.
It’s takes humility beyond any idea of being humble. It’s takes turning the learning into understanding time and time again.
It takes burning away the insanity of ego by applying the understanding through skilful action.
And then finally a refining of skilful action over eons, revealing a path that was always there, unforeseeable and unfolding in the real time of living it.
And so even though it seems insurmountable and in so many ways perplexing…
I wholeheartedly believe that a goal of finding my purpose is indeed a worthy goal.
Not one to be rushed, forced or faked.
But one to be honoured, revered, contemplated and received with gratitude.
To map the mystery requires a willingness to search for a prize so worthy that it might not even exist.
And, that is exactly how I feel about finding purpose.
The search is equally as intoxicating and valid as the potential outcome and I simply can’t think of anything more worthwhile than this exact pursuit.
Of nothing. Of everything. Of the edge that bridges the paradox into perfect sense.
Please know that I did not intend to offer a roadmap for the boxing in of purpose, but a goad to activate the primal energy that encourages us to pursue our deepest desires.
Celebrating you on your journey into the mystery and trusting the timing of your unfolding.
With love,
Ryan